questioning faith – part 1.

today was an adventure.

it was my first morning at IHOP and I arrived twelve minutes early because I was super nervous about being late. I started filling out paperwork and then came the dreaded question:

“can I see your social security card?”

my social security card, which I stopped carrying a few months ago for safety reasons, was at home. or so I thought.

after driving back to the Jones’ and looking everywhere multiple times, I had to drive downtown and go to the social security office to request a replacement card.

as I was (super stressed and) driving to the highway, I caught the last bit of “One Thing Remains” by Jeremy Riddle. I laughed and thought, “nice one, God” while singing along to this beautiful truth:

“Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me. . . it overwhelms and satisfies my soul and I never, ever have to be afraid.”

the thought of God’s love being so great and having such an impact that it “overwhelms and satisfies my soul” has always intrigued me. it’s always been a line I could really connect with because it’s something that I long for in my everyday life.

as I pulled onto the highway, “Undo” by Rush of Fools came on the radio. lines like,

“trying to ignore, a life of hiding my sin,” 

“bring me back to the place of forgiveness and grace,”

“I need You, I need Your help, I can’t do this myself”

really resonated with me. I drove down the highway with tears beginning to form in my eyes and a very confused heart. I frantically searched my thoughts to figure out what sins I had hidden recently, what wrongs I needed to ask forgiveness for, what areas of my life I needed to be granted grace.

sure, the answers to these questions may be beneficial for growth and healing, but there was one other thought in my mind – what exactly is “this” that I can’t do on my own?

and the answer to that question is the most crucial of all – everything.