I don’t want to write this post.
I know I said that I was going to be brave, that I was going to speak up. I know I need to share my heart because the world needs my voice.
If I’m honest, I just haven’t been able to find my voice lately. I have so many thoughts in my head, so many feelings in my heart, but I don’t know how to share them. I don’t know how to put them into coherent sentences. I don’t know how to make them have meaning.
I drove to Indianapolis yesterday, partly because I didn’t have to work, but mostly because I needed to find myself. I needed to understand myself better in order to find my voice. It’s almost funny that Indy was the place I felt drawn to, since I hadn’t visited this city before.
I met up with some dear friends and celebrated their church’s third birthday. I worshiped with them in a way my soul has craved for months. I shared a meal with (mostly) new friends and I felt whole.
On my way back to Cincinnati today, I stopped by The Springs, a beautiful retreat center in the middle of nowhere Indiana. I spent a few hours in a cabin with an assortment of paints and canvases and my Bible. I read through Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians and I was reminded of these simple truths:
- In him I have redemption (Eph 1:7)
- Because of his great love for me, God made me alive with Christ even when I was dead in my transgressions (Eph 2:4-5)
- The peace of God will guard my heart and my mind (Phil 4:7)
- I have been raised with Christ (Col 3:1)
- My life is hidden with Christ in God (Col 3:3)
I’m back in Cincinnati, but I am not the same. I feel refreshed and renewed. My soul has been replenished. My heart has encountered my Jesus once again in a way that it hasn’t for many months.
I’ve rediscovered the love of my Savior and the truth that I am…