Finding Myself

I don’t want to write this post.

I know I said that I was going to be brave, that I was going to speak up. I know I need to share my heart because the world needs my voice.

If I’m honest, I just haven’t been able to find my voice lately. I have so many thoughts in my head, so many feelings in my heart, but I don’t know how to share them. I don’t know how to put them into coherent sentences. I don’t know how to make them have meaning.

I drove to Indianapolis yesterday, partly because I didn’t have to work, but mostly because I needed to find myself. I needed to understand myself better in order to find my voice. It’s almost funny that Indy was the place I felt drawn to, since I hadn’t visited this city before.

I met up with some dear friends and celebrated their church’s third birthday. I worshiped with them in a way my soul has craved for months. I shared a meal with (mostly) new friends and I felt whole.

On my way back to Cincinnati today, I stopped by The Springs, a beautiful retreat center in the middle of nowhere Indiana. I spent a few hours in a cabin with an assortment of paints and canvases and my Bible. I read through Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians and I was reminded of these simple truths:

  • In him I have redemption (Eph 1:7)
  • Because of his great love for me, God made me alive with Christ even when I was dead in my transgressions (Eph 2:4-5)
  • The peace of God will guard my heart and my mind (Phil 4:7)
  • I have been raised with Christ (Col 3:1)
  • My life is hidden with Christ in God (Col 3:3)

I’m back in Cincinnati, but I am not the same. I feel refreshed and renewed. My soul has been replenished. My heart has encountered my Jesus once again in a way that it hasn’t for many months.

I’ve rediscovered the love of my Savior and the truth that I am…

redeemed

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3 thoughts on “Finding Myself

  1. Pingback: What I’m Into | March 2014 | Clear Your Canvas

  2. I just stumbled across this post of yours this evening… I love these words :) You know what’s funny- I’m originally from Indy and I spent many nights – while growing up there – taking long drives by myself, attempting to find myself. Listening to loud music, with either the windows rolled down or the heat cranked up, depending on what time of year it was. God met me each one of those times… and I really do think that each time, I found a part of myself, along with reminders that I’d long forgotten or ones I had not yet understood. God is sweet that way, I think. Patient enough to give you the bits of reminders in perfect time (sometimes the same ones over and over and over), yet fiercely loving you still in all of the in-between :) I love that you found some pieces of you too XOXO

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